I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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