were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize