At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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