We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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