we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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