if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize