i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
