gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
