worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
