the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
