i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
