Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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