i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
