Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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