new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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