So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
