Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
