My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
