My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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