god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
