My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
