Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Congratulations! We have a period
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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