My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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