I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
