You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
