Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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