That's when you crack a 10am beer
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
