I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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