if i died would you start the facebook group?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
