Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize