wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
