do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
