First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
