Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
i've created a new STD.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
