He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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