You really coming over, don't trick.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
