when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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