Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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