are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
