Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
