I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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