Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
