he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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