Need sex. Gaining weight.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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