I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
the raccoons are back...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
