Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
