No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
