can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
