Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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