I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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