so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
that's an acceptable place to lick
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize