I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
