here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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