shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
