I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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