let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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