I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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