She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He better not be in your backpack
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
