Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
