i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
