Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize