I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
