how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
