Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
