brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
