He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
why is half of my head shaved?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
