Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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