Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You made out with two different species that night
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
