I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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